Friday, January 11, 2008

that feeling of....

Ever get that feeling that you have too much stuff? Like things are too messy in your head by seeing all the stuff.

I know that right now this is all stemming from the fact that we have sold our home and moved into a small rental. I know that right now my life is in a bunch of boxes and totes. I know that when we were moving in I was wondering why I had a lot of the things that I do. What do I need it all for? It does not define me. I define me.

I think that when I was in my late 20's I felt like I needed stuff. We had a little extra dough, we were comfortable. I bought things. Not tons of things, but more than I ever had before. Like I had this desire to have things. I mean other people had things, why not me?

Some of it, I think, comes from my childhood, when we had very little. The things I did get then I cherished and never wanted them to be out of my sight. They were mine. I took great pride in them. But this buying thing that happened to me didn't give me the feeling that I got back then. When I had so little. Dont get me wrong. I liked the stuff I bought. It was nice or pretty or whatever, but the feeling of pride wasnt there. That feeling of pure simplicity hasn't shown itself in quite some time.

I have decided that I would like to have that feeling back. That pure, simple, unchaotic feeling. The decluttered feeling. The, I have to save and save for something feeling. There are times when I become impatient when there is something that I have decided that I want or even "need". This impatience goes against every grain of my frugality. It causes me to feel rushed or pressured to make a decision. Or pushes me to come up with some reason as to why I "need" it.

We moved in our rental about 1 month ago and since then I have decided that I am ready to let go of these things. These things that are causing me chaos and not filling me up. In fact, they tend to make me feel quite hollow. Like I could begin to lose sight of who I am behind all the stuff.

Not so much a resolution. I tend to make more lifestyle cleansing choices. If that makes sense. Choices that can affect my life in a positive ongoing way.


Crazy Young Black Women said...

I know exactly what you mean,except I have pack rat syndrome. From all the years of living out of garbage bags, I keep everything, even in my tiny miniature house. Why get rid of it? Like you said it makes you, you so why not just spread it around, little pieces of you everywhere!

Anonymous said...

Oh, how I can realate. I grew up po' and in my 20's decided to get what I wanted, when I wanted it as if to make up for lost time or something. Now, I too feel as though I could reduce tremendously and be happier for it.